


Too Much and Barely Enough

by colazitron



Category: One Direction
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-17
Updated: 2012-12-17
Packaged: 2017-11-26 09:33:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/649147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/colazitron/pseuds/colazitron
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nick’s head over heels for Harry, but he doesn’t plan on telling him that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Too Much and Barely Enough

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 2012 holidaze exchange on lj.

Too Much and Barely Enough

 

Contrary to popular belief, Harry Styles does have flaws. He can be an obnoxious little shit, and he'll do it just to annoy you. He doesn't take criticism well at all. He's possessive and jealous to a degree that cannot be healthy. The worst though, Nick thinks, is that he's so damn loveable. Harry Styles makes falling in love _with_ Harry Styles absurdly easy. He's sweet and attentive and makes you feel like you're the most interesting thing in the whole world. It doesn't hurt that he's drop dead gorgeous, either.

Succinctly put, Harry's a heartbreaker.

Not in that evil way that makes it sound like he'll lead you on and then laugh at you as you realise you never really had a chance with him in the first place. He's not proud of it. He's not even aware of it, most of the time. He'll just be his usual sweet, attentive, gorgeous self and not notice that you're falling over yourself trying to impress him, because in his mind, he's the one trying to impress you. He's just trying to make you think he's cool enough to be friends with while you're thinking your banter is flirting and - boom! - you've given your heart over to Harry Styles. It's like he's one of those sirens and your heart is the ship and sailors, reeled in and helpless and then smashing up against the cliffs of his obliviousness and drowning in your own sorrows.

Or rather, you had better hope that it's his obliviousness that breaks your heart. The worst thing, Nick things, would probably be to be let down gently by Harry Styles. Not because he's bad at it. He's as charming and sweet with this as with everything he makes an effort. No, the problem is the look on his face as he does it, like breaking your heart is the worst thing that could've possibly happened to his. You'll inadvertently start feeling like a jerk for bothering him with your feelings and putting him in the position of having to let you down and then on top of all the rejection, you'll have to deal with guilt issues. It's all very fucked up. Nick knows. He's seen it happen. He's even nursed one or the other hangover that usually follows such a night of rejection and subsequent drinking in the hopes of blocking out the memory. Obviously it never works.

So the one thing that Nick is never, ever going to tell Harry is how he's head over heels in love with him. It's not that Nick has self-esteem issues and doesn't think he and Harry would be good together or that Harry's too young to give him a chance or anything. Caroline's a bit older than him still and he's been with her, after all. They could be good together, Nick thinks, in a world where he meets Harry first. They could really have something. They'd be happy with each other, listening to obscure bands and mixing their wardrobes and Harry waking him with pancakes and kisses. Nick knows this, because they do listen to obscure bands and Harry does let him borrow his jumpers and he's even woken him up with pancakes before. Just never with kisses, because those are for Louis. And chances are the jumper Nick's wearing has been chosen, bought or at least worn by Louis before. And every new obscure band Nick shows Harry is something he either "has to show Louis" or that "Louis would hate, probably". It's really not that Nick doesn't think Harry wouldn't be happy with him, it's just that he's ecstatic with Louis. Like, some calm, steady, Nirvana kind of ecstatic. He's reasonably certain that it's the same for Louis and only a fool or an asshole would try to get between that.

Louis Tomlinson is really just the cherry on top of this clusterfuck of feelings that is the being-in-love-with-Harry-Styles sundae; because _of course_ Harry's boyfriend would be just as devastatingly lovely as he is. Apart from having the bone structure and twinkly eyes of a fairy tale prince and a body hand-crafted by some horny Hellenistic sculptor, he is genuinely one of the nicest people Nick has ever met. He's not the best educated man, lacks the innate ease with academia that Harry displays, but he's interested. He cares about what happens in the world and even more so what happens in the tiny worlds of the people he loves. He pays attention and if he'd ever lived on the streets, Nick would call him street-smart. As it is, he's probably... life-smart or something. He'd call it "wise" if that didn't sound like white beards and gay wizards so much. There seem to be no limits to Louis' empathy but he's still firm about what he thinks is okay or not. Harry has all these principles floating around in his head, but Louis will plant both feet on the ground and not let you go further than a certain point and yet it's he who'll let you prove him wrong in a civilised conversation, whereas Harry reacts badly to the idea of being wrong.

Nick would really like it better if the tumblrs were right and Louis behaved like a territorial bitch towards him. As it is, Louis is perfectly lovely and civil and Nick can't find it in himself to dislike him, even with all the envy of getting to be the perfect match for one Harry Styles. Even when Nick would give both his hands to be where he is. It's true that they don't spend much time one on one but it's not because they don't get on. It's because Louis sees how much Harry likes spending time with him and because he understands how important it is for Harry to have friends outside his band and family. He's not as close with his school mates as Louis still is. They still talk, but they'd never go on holiday together or - god forbid - manage a pub league football team together. Although that last one is at least partially due to Harry's truly atrocious skill level when it comes to everyone's favourite sport. Fact remains that whenever Nick does spend a little time with Louis, he almost falls in love with him on top of Harry.

Given all these things Nick's not entirely sure how he ended up accepting Harry's invitation to their New Year's party at their new place. He suspects it might be _because_ of all these things, rather than _despite_ them. He just can't deny that boy anything. So now he finds himself three glasses of champagne deep into an exercise of emotional masochism and soul-searching, watching Louis and Harry through a crowd of people. They're talking to someone Nick recognises from some of Louis' pap shots, so he assumes they're rather good mates. Louis's grabbing at this bloke's arm, laughing through a story he's telling and Nick can almost see the lovely crinkles by his eyes and mouth from all the way across the room. He's dressed almost unusually casually today, simple skinny jeans and a t-shirt with a print that Nick can't make out, the way Nick knows Harry likes him best. Actually, considering the flash of collarbones and the strangely long sleeves that might be indicative of a low shoulder hemline, it might be one of Harry's t-shirts. Nick snorts into his glass of champagne. Of course it would be. Louis leans back from his friend in his laughter, right into the arm Harry has slung around his shoulders, like it's the most natural way for them to be; wound around each other. Nick drains his fourth glass of champagne.

He should've begged Alexa to stay, when she'd said good-bye to them earlier, citing another party she had promised to make an appearance at. She'd be dry and sarcastic and very matter-of-fact about why guzzling champagne isn't a very good idea. Plus, she's far fonder of Harry and, by extension, Louis than she lets on. Across the room Harry nuzzles into Louis' hair and Nick turns away with a sigh, walking over to where they've set up a bar on the kitchen counter, trying to decide if he's going to set his glass down or just get something stronger. The decision's made easier by the pretty, smiling boy he almost literally bumps into there. He gives Nick a shy once over and at his polite smile, he reaches for a glass.

"Let me make you something," he says. The music's not as loud here, so they don't have to shout quite so much. The boy's wearing glasses with a thick, black frame that, combined with his cardi with elbow patches, Nick would think a fashion choice, if it weren't for how they make his eyes slightly too large. It's endearing and, alright, Nick thinks. A kiss at midnight might be nice and this boy's no more not Harry than any other.

"Martini," he says. "Shaken, not stirred."

The boy laughs and - to Nick's surprise - reaches for all the right bottles to put it together.

"You're not gonna call me 'Moneypenny', are you?" he asks with a sly grin. Nick feels his own lips quirk in response.

"No, you give off more of a Q vibe."

"Grey-haired and kooky?" the boy asks, obviously confused. Nick laughs good-naturedly.

"Ben Whishaw's what I was going for."

The look on the boy's face makes it obvious that he doesn't really know what to do with that either. Nick's smile falters a little, the way it always does when a flirtation goes a little south. Really, one would assume that _Skyfall_ was popular enough for such well-advertised aspects of the film to be used in pop culture references, but apparently not. He dismisses it with a shrug and soldiers on. Now that he's set his mind to it, he wants his New Year's kiss.

"Never mind, love," he says with what he hopes is a dazzling and winning smile. "Rest assured it was a compliment though."

"Oh," the boy says and laughs, pouring Nick's martini. "That's all I really need to know then, isn't it?"

Nick reaches for the glass and is about to cheekily demand a compliment in return, fair is fair, after all, when a pretty girl with her hair in Hollywood curls wraps an arm around the boy's waist and steps inside his personal bubble.

"There you are," she says, "I've been looking for you."

He leans down to give her a placating kiss and it's only due to the devastating amount of practice Nick's had that his smile doesn't fall right off his face.

"I'm sorry, I'm gonna have to steal him for a dance," she addresses Nick. He makes himself laugh and sweep his hand out in a generous gesture.

"By all means," he says. She smiles at him, as does the boy, before they weave their way into the crowd. Nick downs his martini in two long gulps. When he sets down the glass, he hears Harry's tell-tale cackle before he sees him slide up next to him, Louis in tow.

"Want me to point out the single ones that might be reeled in by your charm?" Harry offers with a wicked grin. He's flushed with alcohol and happiness and Nick's heart tugs at how beautiful he is.

"No, I'll just ring in the next year alone, like the sad, old man I am," Nick intones dramatically, causing Harry to fall into another round of giggles. It's only ten minutes to midnight, so really, there's no other option that Nick has. Harry draws his eyebrows together then though, like he can see through the air Nick was putting on down to the tragic truth of the statement and fixes him with a surprisingly steady look, given how glazed his eyes are.

"No, you're not. You'll ring it in with us. Two teenage pop stars, eh?"

"Louis's not a teenager, love," Nick reminds him, but Harry giggles and shushes him.

"Don't let him hear you say that, he gets huffy."

Nick looks over to Louis, who does seem a bit uncomfortable but then shrugs it off. Harry’s talked to him about Louis' weird fear of aging before, but somehow he thinks nature's taking her course with him as with anyone else - once you realise that aging and maturing do not necessarily go hand in hand, it suddenly becomes a bit more bearable.

"Well, I guess I'll take one teenage and one regular pop star," Nick says, like he's doing them a favour. Harry slaps him on the arm and then wraps his own around Louis' waist, pressing up behind him and swaying them back and forth slowly to the harsh dubstep beat coming from the living room. It's a bit weird, but of course Harry could make it work. Harry's aces at weird. He watches them silently and doesn't really notice how creepy he's being until Harry looks up. It's not that he calls him out on it, he just starts chattering randomly at Nick and they only get a few sentences out each, before the music goes quieter and people start huddling closer together the way they do to start the new year. The chanting starts up, Harry's arm in the air, his short sleeve rucking up and showing off most of his tattoos. Nick looks on indulgently until Harry shoves him in the shoulder a bit. Then he rolls his eyes and shouts out the final "three, two, one" with everyone. He can barely hear the fireworks outside over the cheers inside.

"Happy New Year, Nick!" Harry suddenly almost yells at him and then he's grabbing his face and smacking a firm kiss to what he probably meant to be his cheek, but catches the corner of his lips. It lasts for at least a few seconds. Nick can feel Harry's nose dig into his skin and the scent of his sweat and lingering cologne waft over him. His hands are warm and a little clammy and Nick's almost dizzy with it when Harry pulls back and spins around to grab Louis around the waist and lift him up and twirl them around his axis once before setting Louis back down. He only knows he whispers "Happy New Year" to him because it's the only thing he'd be saying now, before he tilts Louis' head up and kisses him squarely on the lips. This kiss is sweet and deep and overflowing with adoration on both sides, Harry's hands on Louis' cheeks and Louis' on his wrists, his thumbs rubbing over the soft skin of Harry's hands. It's not a sexy kiss, just one to reaffirm the last year and promise the next before Harry pulls back, pecks Louis on the nose and then bounces off to find more people to wish a Happy New Year to.

"Happy New Year," Louis says to Nick, stepping up to him and Nick smiles back, mind reeling and heart beating too fast.

"Happy New Year," he says automatically, extending one arm, expecting to wrap it around Louis in a hug. Instead Louis goes up on his tiptoes and kisses the other corner of Nick's mouth, the one where the imprint of Harry's lips doesn't still burn into his skin. This one's soft and gentle, barely there like a whisper against his skin and when Louis pulls back and smiles at him kindly, Nick realises that Louis knows. He knows about Nick's stupid, stupid crush and he knows how cruel Harry can unintentionally be and he's trying to make up for it the best he can, by either steering Harry away from him before he can get too close to Nick's heart or by - quite literally, it seems - kissing better the little cuts he leaves behind sometimes.

"I... I think I'll go," Nick says. He wants to hide out under his duvet with Lex or ring Alexa and follow to whatever party she's at and get blindingly drunk.

"Alright," Louis says. "I'll let him know."

"Thank you," Nick says and he's not entirely sure he knows what he means, but Louis simply smiles at him and this time it's sunny, the way it usually is and the air gets a little easier to breathe. He goes to grab his coat from Harry's room upstairs and when he makes his way along the edge of the crowd towards the door, he sees Harry and Louis out on the lawn though the huge glass panes, Louis leaning back against Harry's chest a little as they watch the fireworks, wrapped in one of their large coats. Weirdly enough, even with the twinge in his heart he thinks it really is a happy start to a new year.

**The End**


End file.
